On death and dying. . .

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross posited there are 5 stages of grief; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Over time, the theory had evolved and one school of thought now says the stages are as follows:
Shock stage*: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
Testing stage*: Seeking realistic solutions.
Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Grief manifests itself in many arenas, not just the death of a loved one. In many cases, the loss of a job, graduation from a school program, or even the ending of a relationship can lead to certain grief. And, in some cases, these stages are very evident. The ending of a relationship. . . Wow.

In October or last year, I moved out of the house I have shared with my [soon-to-be-ex] wife for the last 5 years. I am not going to use this as a forum for me to complain about Sarah, as that has been done. I would like to talk about me, however. I am grieving. I have been for a long, long time. It’s kind of a surreal thing, actually. Even before I moved out, I knew things were not going well. I knew, in my heart, that relationship was ending. I’m not sure when I have moved from each stage to each stage. I just know I am moving. I have to be, right? I am not shocked, I am not in denial, I am not angry. Am I in the bargaining stage? Possible. Am I depressed? I know I have been. Am I testing – looking for other ways to reclaim normalcy? Possibly. Kübler-Ross spoke of stability in a situation. Prior to the crisis, there is an assumption of stability. After acceptance, the hope is resolution and a return to stability. Right now, I do not feel stable. I feel stability is returning, but it is not yet here. That is sad to me. I do not like these feelings of instability, insecurity, and unsurety.

I miss the stability of what my life was prior to the end of this relationship. I am going to channel President Obama here and say, let me be clear – I do not miss that relationship. I miss what it represented. Ms. Kübler-Ross had some very good insights into this process of grief. I am glad I thought to discuss it tonight. However, I just got really tired, so I am going to bed. I will publish this one now, and then I will discuss more later. G’night.

~ by shinshige on 5 July 2011.

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