A mini (self-plagiarized) ramble . . .

How does one approach the topic of, “Are you gay?” I could go on a philosophical rant about this topic that would take pages and pages, right? And – I am two glasses of wine in, so don’t hold it against me if I actually do. ;)

On to the meat of the topic at hand. (Did you catch that – meat at hand. . . I am so clever sometimes. ;))

Hmmmm . . . I will begin by saying I am not gay. ;) But, that is not to say I am not attracted to men. You see, some homosexuals take issue with bisexuality. I am married to a woman, yes. I am in love with said woman, yes. I am actually attracted to some men, yes.

I believe all people are bisexual. I actually had a scale in my mind long before I heard of Alfred Kinsey. See, I believe in an infinite amount of grey in the world. Not much is black, not much is white – but there is a lot in the middle. I feel that way about practically everything. In fact, there is not one topic about which in I am willing to say there is only black or white. There is a lot of grey. . .

In sexuality – there is homo, hetero, and a whole lot of other. On a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being strictly hetero (a la Chuck Heston having a bad NRA day), and 10 being strictly homo (more like a bad actor in La Cage aux Folles) I would consider myself a 5. I fall on the hetero side by ½ mark, but only by ½ mark. Most gay men, with whom I am a friend, are on the high side of the scale, obviously, but maybe only 8.5 to 9. They are gay, of course, but not flaming, out of control, yada yadas. Not that the amount of flame reflects the amount of homosexuality, by the way; this is just an example. ;)

One of my closest and dearest friends is a gay man. Had I been more comfortable with myself 10 years ago, and had he been more comfortable with me, I have postulated that we may have ended up together back then. My God – what would my siblings have done? Today – I don’t care. People should take more time reflecting on their own lives and let others live the lives they want to live. . . (I digress) I consider this man my soul mate; to my wife’s chagrin, mind you. I have been connected to him for as long as I can remember, and have been attracted to him on many levels. He feels similarly about me. We have never acted on it, however. We know each other well, and are very good at teasing, but know the line. We have too much respect for our circumstances to challenge the status quo too much. I love that man, I do. . .

In fact, Sarah made quite an astute observation a few months ago about me. She pointed out that most of my friends are female. AND – of all the male friends I have, the majority of my closest are gay.

That I paint my toes (they are currently burgundy frost) and have rings on two of them, coupled with a hibiscus tattoo on my calf does not necessarily lend itself to a traditional definition of masculine, either.

So – there you have it. Any questions should now be answered.

Ciao.

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~ by shinshige on 24 July 2008.

6 Responses to “A mini (self-plagiarized) ramble . . .”

  1. And you would expect we have a problem with this? Not, you are you and that is just the way we want you.

  2. Cele – no, in fact I would expect you to NOT have a problem. ;) I said, this was just a ramble. Cheers.

  3. Couple all that with how sexy you are in photographs (having “owned” you a time or two on facebook) one (meaning me) could easily slide your scale closer to the TEN end simply because you are one of those HOT guys that I would see in the park and say, “Oh yeah. A guy that looks like THAT has GOT to be gay!” :)

  4. Hmmmm . . . I’m not sure how to take that. ;) ((blush))

    (Oh, and it’s a good thing I CAN edit. . .)

  5. The world would be a better place if there were more men like you in the world who were comfortable in their own skin. Nice post.

  6. On a 1 to 10 scale, I’d rank myself a 6.5 or 7. There are several women I find physically and sexually attractive, though once upon a time that admission would have scared me, because… how can a gay guy like women? Yes, how indeed, but attraction is attraction. Years later, I’m not too bent out of shape that a heterosexual man could be attracted to a gay man. It is what it is.

    As I’ve grown older I’ve noticed that I’m much more attracted to a person’s space and energy rather than their physicality. Granted, my senses define my experience, but there are times when the feeling of the person, the memory of the person, or imaginings of the person take the place of what I can see, touch, feel, smell or taste. Once you’re connected with someone, time and space become irrelevant. (The Zen/Force portion of this post is now complete.)

    As Sarah remarked, you are one who is comfortable in their own skin. I admire that so much about you, Seizui. In or out of your clothes, you’re comfortable with who you are. One of my biggest challenges in my own life is being comfortable in my own body, and you remind me to relax, be at peace, and even celebrate the fuzzy bastard that I am.

    I’m glad you’re in my life, mister.

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