A mini (self-plagiarized) ramble . . .

How does one approach the topic of, “Are you gay?” I could go on a philosophical rant about this topic that would take pages and pages, right? And - I am two glasses of wine in, so don’t hold it against me if I actually do. ;)

On to the meat of the topic at hand. (Did you catch that - meat at hand. . . I am so clever sometimes. ;))

Hmmmm . . . I will begin by saying I am not gay. ;) But, that is not to say I am not attracted to men. You see, some homosexuals take issue with bisexuality. I am married to a woman, yes. I am in love with said woman, yes. I am actually attracted to some men, yes.

I believe all people are bisexual. I actually had a scale in my mind long before I heard of Alfred Kinsey. See, I believe in an infinite amount of grey in the world. Not much is black, not much is white - but there is a lot in the middle. I feel that way about practically everything. In fact, there is not one topic about which in I am willing to say there is only black or white. There is a lot of grey. . .

In sexuality - there is homo, hetero, and a whole lot of other. On a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being strictly hetero (a la Chuck Heston having a bad NRA day), and 10 being strictly homo (more like a bad actor in La Cage aux Folles) I would consider myself a 5. I fall on the hetero side by ½ mark, but only by ½ mark. Most gay men, with whom I am a friend, are on the high side of the scale, obviously, but maybe only 8.5 to 9. They are gay, of course, but not flaming, out of control, yada yadas. Not that the amount of flame reflects the amount of homosexuality, by the way; this is just an example. ;)

One of my closest and dearest friends is a gay man. Had I been more comfortable with myself 10 years ago, and had he been more comfortable with me, I have postulated that we may have ended up together back then. My God - what would my siblings have done? Today - I don’t care. People should take more time reflecting on their own lives and let others live the lives they want to live. . . (I digress) I consider this man my soul mate; to my wife’s chagrin, mind you. I have been connected to him for as long as I can remember, and have been attracted to him on many levels. He feels similarly about me. We have never acted on it, however. We know each other well, and are very good at teasing, but know the line. We have too much respect for our circumstances to challenge the status quo too much. I love that man, I do. . .

In fact, Sarah made quite an astute observation a few months ago about me. She pointed out that most of my friends are female. AND - of all the male friends I have, the majority of my closest are gay.

That I paint my toes (they are currently burgundy frost) and have rings on two of them, coupled with a hibiscus tattoo on my calf does not necessarily lend itself to a traditional definition of masculine, either.

So - there you have it. Any questions should now be answered.

Ciao.

Yes, I am still alive.

Just wanted you all to know I am training for a marathon.  I just started a wek and a half ago, and am in for a long ride.  I have not run since HS (and I just had my 15 year reunion) so this is a bitch.  But, I am a masochist, so it is worth it. . .

The last 10 days, I have been training by walking 2 minutes then running 2 minutes, first 3x, then 4x, then 5x.  This morning, I ran my first non time-pace walk/run (it was one mile) and it took me 12 minutes.  Damn.  That sucked.  So - I will be using this as a forum to keep myself on track.  I run again Thursday (another mile)  I am really hoping it is less than 12 minutes.  But, I run 1 mile for the next week and a half, so I should get faster as I go.

Ciao.

Update.

Hello everyone.

Most of you, who read this and keep somewhat in touch, don’t really know me.  I had this revelation the other day.  Truth be told, only like 6 or 7 people who read what I have to say, do I know in the real world.  That being said - I want to think my life is not always this chaotic.

Since February, this so called life of mine has been a veritable roller coaster. If you are new to me, then you would likely think this is always how my life is . . . and you would be mostly correct. See - I am the type who likes to think things will always get better rather than worse. (At least in the long run.) In the short run, however, we experience corrections. I think that is what this year has been. A correction. A correction I would have rather not had, but a correction, nonetheless.

Now - in terms of the job - I have not really expounded on it in this forum. So, I will now. Well, let me step back. This job. The current job in the wings. OK - It is at the Idaho Youth Ranch. The IYR is located in Rupert, Idaho. That is about 3½ hours from Salt Lake and really, in the middle of nothing but farm land - and yes, it is Idaho, so most of the crops are potatoes. The job itself is difficult for me to explain, so I am just going to cut and paste from the IYR website, which, for reference, is http://www.youthranch.org.

The Lodge Parent couples have primary responsibility for the supervision and mentoring of 8-10 youth residents. The successful LP ensure that youth attend classes and maintain a home-like nurturing environment while establishing youth home family rituals and traditions. The LP builds trust and provides consistent emotional support through praise, affection, and empathy. The LP recognizes youth achievement while setting limits for behavior and establishing goals for the future. The LP facilitates positive interaction by exhibiting effective communication skills and developing strong mutually respectful relationships with the youth in the Lodge. The LP teaches and encourages assigned children in the development of good habits and values. The LP normally work a schedule of five days on and two days off. The LP couple works together as one cohesive unit, under the supervision of the Program Director. Lodge Parents are supported by on-site professional staff including: Master’s level Clinicians, Educational Specialist, Recreation Specialist, Equine Therapy/Livestock Specialist, Program Director, Maintenance staff and Cook (who helps LP’s and youth prepare meals).

OUTCOMES

1. Lodge is an inviting environment for youth, families and community;
2. Lodge conditions help youth, family and employees feel safe and secure;
3. Lodge Parents are well trained to provide services for youth;
4. Residents and families are properly orientated during the intake process;
5. Program services are coordinated in a way that enhances the residents’ stay;
6. Lodge Parents are trained and orientated on program philosophy;
7. Documentation is kept in compliance with agency and regulatory agencies’ standards;
8. Lodge Parents are an integral part of the family environment.

As for whether or not we are actually going, it is still a little up in the air. I spoke with the director of the program on Friday, and he said he was ready that morning to send us an offer, but he was waiting from corporate to get him some paper work. He said it would be today (hopefully) but as of this writing, I have yet to hear from him. If I hear nothing by Tuesday afternoon, then I will email him. If I still hear nothing be Wednesday, then I will call. I’ll keep you posted.

Oh, and everyone, thanks for listening.

So, there you have it. Sarah and I will be going to Idaho, with Gavin, to take care of strangers’ kids. A new job, a new life. . .

Friday Funnies: 11 Minutes.

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.

The young man lowers his window, “Uh, yes, Officer?”

The cop says, “What are you doing?”

The young man says, “Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine.”

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says, “’And her, what is she doing?”

The young man shrugs, “Sir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.”

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple . . . alone in a car . . . at night . . . in a Lover’s lane . . . and nothing obscene is happening! The cop asks, “What’s your age, young man?”

The young man says, “I’m 22, sir.”

The cop asks, “And her . . . what’s her age?”

The young man looks at his watch and replies, “In 11 minutes, she’ll be 18.”

Talk Thursday: Sex in the City.

When I present topics, I never know in which direction I, myself, will go with it. This is definitely one of those cases. I am going to write to you today about my most recent experience regarding “Sex in the City.” More correctly, however, I will tell you – this should be called, “Getting Fucked in Murray City.”

Two years ago, in the summer of 2006, I traded in my 2000 Nissan Sentra for a 2003 Nissan Xterra. It has run pretty well for quite some time, with only minor issues I would expect to occur in a couple year old automobile. This spring, however, I ran into an issue I did not expect, nor did I know exactly how to proceed. My air conditioner stopped working. I turned it on a few months ago, and “. . . ahhhhhh – no cool air.”

Well, we are planning on turning in this gas-chugging behemoth and getting a much more fuel efficient vehicle in a few months. In order to get the most bang for our buck, we figured the A/C should be working. Makes sense, yeah?

I spoke with a few people about what I should do to alleviate this problem. The consensus was to get a charge kit from an auto parts store for around $20.00. “Shit,” I thought, “that’s worth it.” So – on Thursday, 03 July, I went to Checker to purchase said charge kit. To my chagrin, the kit cost $40.00, not $20.00. I was bummed. For those keeping tabs, this is not the fucking. As I opened the hood, to attach the charge kit, I noticed a belt hanging over the front of the engine bracket. Upon reviewing the user’s manual, I noted this belt was, in fact, the belt for the A/C compressor. So, I returned the charge, and bought a replacement belt. That WAS actually the $20.00 I expected to spend. ;)

As I looked over the placement of the belt, I came across an issue I did not foresee. That is, it appeared as though the fan assembly needed to be removed just to put on this belt. So, I called Tim Dahle Nissan of Murray to see what they would charge me to replace the belt – thus began the GREAT A/C FUCK OF 2008. I was told ½ hour labor is all it would be. That equates to right around $50.00. So, now I am in $70.00 total. OK, I say, let’s do it. I took the vehicle to the dealership and an hour later, drove away in my newly A/C’d interior. I rolled up the windows for the first time in months, cranked up that bad boy, and got belted with HOT AIR. “What the . . .”

I turned around and drove back into the garage. “Is there a problem, Edward?” was my greeting. Yes, I explained – it’s still not working. So, the nice service advisor, Mike In, said they would look at it. $330.00 later, they had replaced the “low side hose” and recharged the system. I don’t know what a low side hose is, but I know it’s expensive. And, really, I’m a little pissed about the outrageous charges for this shit. Note the cumulative total of $400.00.

Well, here it is Tuesday, 08 July, and I am sitting at Tim Dahle Nissan of Murray for the third time. I went to visit my grandmother yesterday. On the way home, I turned on the A/C and guess what? HOT FUCKING AIR. So, here I sit. This time it is the “high side hose.” Ohhh, guess how sweet the nice service advisor, Mike In, is? They are not going to charge me again for the refrigerant re-charge. Thanks, man. But – they are charging me ANOTHER $220.00 for the hose and labor. $102.00 an hour labor and $120.00 for the part (plus taxes and fees and shit . . .) By the time I leave today, I will probably have spent closer to $250.00. So – add that to the $400.00 already spent, and Tim Dahle will have fucked me for well over $600.00. Fuck off, Tim, et al.

Oh, and yeah – I did talk to the advisor about cutting me a deal, and when he said there was nothing he could do, I went to the service manager. Guess what he said, “I’m sorry, Mr. Bennett, there is nothing I can do.” Of course there is - ass. You just don’t want to.

Things Need to Change; or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.

So - you all know I have been a stay at home dad since September. My unemployment ran out almost a month ago, so that has been making things a bit tougher, and I have been looking for a job for months. I have nearly 30 resumes out at the University in various capacities, to no avail, and all around - shit just sucks financially. Sarah has been making plenty of money, and it has not been a problem. She is in Title and Escrow, and with mortgage lenders acting the way they are, her industry has been hit pretty hard. Her company does not run efficiently, and as a result, they have been laying off people left and right. They have a lot of waste in terms of their spending, but just like all corporations, they only look at bottom line - not the welfare of the people they employ. People ask me why I am an anti-capitalist and it really makes me question THEIR sanity. Why, I ask, ARE you a Capitalist? Fucking pigs.

Well, Sarah got an email today that said the following:

Subject: Salary Expense Reduction Plan

Blah blah blah - we understand your hardship - blah blah blah - we are capitalist pigs - blah blah blah - life is hard - blah blah blah . . .

“As of July 1, 2008 we will implement the following until further notice:

All full time employees who punch in and out daily will be required to take 2 days per month off without pay.. . .”

Don’t worry about the people you are fucking, or the waste at the top of the salary scale - only look after your bottom line - bottom is right, bottom feeders. Scum suckers. What the fuck ever. . .

We’re already strapped, I can’t get a goddamned job and my unemployment has run out, and now Sarah is being required to take a 10% pay cut. Bullshit. You want to cut 10% from your payroll budget - shit-can 10% of your bullshit upper management staff who are already overpaid and under-skilled. Or better yet, cut back on all the waste your company goes through every month on bullshit outsourcing.

Fuck it - I’m stealing a boat and squatting on an island in the Pacific.

Out.

Talk Thursday: Change.

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I got a little change in my pocket going jingle - lingle - ling,
. . . call you on the telephone, just to you a ring;
. . . each time we talk, I get the same old thing. . .

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Change: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone - change.

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Why is a woman like the weather?
Because nothing can be done to change either of them.

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Sex Change Joke
John (now Jean) is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has transformed him into a beautiful women.
His old friend Pete sees him and says, “John, you look great…you’re beautiful!”
John says, “Thanks…but holy Christ, did it hurt.”
Pete says, “When they cut open your chest and put in those implants?”
John says, “No, that didn’t really hurt.”
Pete says, “When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?”
John says, “No, that didn’t really hurt.”
Pete says, “Then what did hurt?”
John says, “When the doctor drilled a fucking hole in my head and sucked out half my brain.”

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Here’s a fun “How to make change” website: http://www.funbrain.com/cgi-bin/cr.cgi

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Barack Obama: Change we can believe in.

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Change Islands are located in Newfoundland and Labrador.

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Communities Helping All Neighbors Gain Empowerment, CHANGE, is a civic organization based in Winston-Salem, North Carolina

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Change is a Japanese television drama starring Takuya Kimura and Eri Fukatsu.

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Change: The Magazine of Higher Learning, is a journal published for The Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching by Heldref Publications.

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Talk Thursday: All The World’s A Stage . . .

My thoughts when I first read this topic were obvious. I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I knew exactly the direction - it was quite clear, actually. You see, people of planet Earth -

ALL THE WORLD REALLY IS A STAGE.

We are merely actors, without a script, moving at the silent-instruction of an, ominous, invisible hand. Somewhere, outside of ourselves, sitting on something akin to those little folding chairs, with the black canvas backs and seats, and tightly constructed maple frames, exists the directors. These directors have set the stage for us - unbeknown to the majority. So sayeth some conspiracy theorists.

This is how this works. We wake up in this world, kicking and screaming. Our parents do the best they can to teach us about freedom and the ability to gain prosperity; they tell us what it right and what is wrong; they tell us we can be anything we want to be - if we put our minds to it and work very hard. They release us into the world with the ideas we can create our own destinies. . . Sounds great, doesn’t it? How about - we have no self-determination; destiny is preordained (and not by God); and we really don’t get to determine anything about our lives on our own. Our lives are the work of the directors mentioned above. All the world is a stage, and we are merely actors.

There are people in this world who make all of our decisions before we actually get a chance to do it for ourselves. The best analogy I have heard to describe this is to use the topic presented before us here. Imagine, if you will, a stage. Any generic stage will work. Now, imagine yourself as an actor on that stage. There are props on this stage. In order for you to succeed in this play, you simply need to walk from one end of the stage to the other. Simple enough - you are told by the director that you can be successful if you work hard enough and try hard enough to actually cross the stage.

You look around and see where all the props are set up and manage to make it about a quarter of the way through. At this point, the props move. You try to reassess the situation, but none of the placement makes sense to you. The rules have stayed the same, but your stage is suddenly different. Why? Because the director has made that happen. He is the director, after all. So, you continue your attempt to cross the stage.

If you are paying attention you will realize you are not the only actor on this stage. Other actors are also struggling to make their way across the stage. A few, however, struggle less. They may be named Kennedy, Bush, Rockefeller, Rothschild,. . . (you get the picture). For some reason, the props placed in front of them seem much less inhibiting. There are also others, with much more ethnic sounding names (at least in this country) who seem to not even make it as far as the first prop. Is it a coincidence? Probably not.

Now take this same analogy and put it in the real world. A guy who is a flunky most of his life, is a mediocre student, an alcoholic who does not really care that he drinks, gets into Yale because of his granddaddy, does mediocre there, has a lot of money, so he buys a baseball team, hires others to manage it because he can’t do it himself, eventually becomes a governor and then the POTUS. How the fuck does that happen? Because the director knows who is funding his production, and moves the props accordingly. Joe down the street - gets the shaft.

I could go on - but I won’t. Maybe later.

So, yes, Lynn, you may be correct -

ALL THE WORLD REALLY IS A STAGE.

One more quote. . .

“WHAT WE HAVE DONE FOR OURSELVES ALONE DIES WITH US;
WHAT WE HAVE DONE FOR OTHERS AND THE WORLD REMAINS AND IS IMMORTAL”

- Albert Pike

Francis Bacon said, “. . .”

“THE INQUIRY, KNOWLEDGE, AND BELIEF OF TRUTH
IS THE SOVEREIGN GOOD OF HUMAN NATURE.”

You were a good man, Sir Francis.